Jokes you have heard or know.
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Jokes you have heard or know.
by Lucis~lisa Sat Jan 10, 2009 1:10 am
Post your jokeS here. First off, from Termizi. NO POLITICAL, RACIAL AND SEXISM JOKES! Such jokes will be deleted and warninng will be issued. So please read, choose post wisely.
Lucis~lisa- Admin
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Number of posts : 78
Age : 34
Location : Miao Miao land
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Job application form
by mIzIe Sat Jan 10, 2009 1:21 am
Name: Ah Boy
Age: Still young
Religion: I only have experience praying my cat who dead 2 years before
Race: I love to race, how you know?
Nationality: I don't like National, I prefer Sanyo
Number: 6735
Telephone number: House no telephone
Hand phone number: 3310
Address: Penang Jelutong
City : Nor Haliza?
Postcode: I never post anything
State: In my family, I am 2nd
Country: I love to travel to Canada
Marriage status: Secret
Email Address: Hotmail
Education Background: My teacher said not bad
Working experience: Last time got sell pirated CD(Song only)
Father's name: Daddy
Father's IC: You ask him
Mother's name: Mummy
Mother's IC: You ask her
Current Salary: Depends on my daddy mood
Expected Salary:As much as you can pay
When can start work: Depends on my mood
Highest qualification: Ya, very high
Grade: Ya, very high
College/University: College
Signature: Can I use chop?
Age: Still young
Religion: I only have experience praying my cat who dead 2 years before
Race: I love to race, how you know?
Nationality: I don't like National, I prefer Sanyo
Number: 6735
Telephone number: House no telephone
Hand phone number: 3310
Address: Penang Jelutong
City : Nor Haliza?
Postcode: I never post anything
State: In my family, I am 2nd
Country: I love to travel to Canada
Marriage status: Secret
Email Address: Hotmail
Education Background: My teacher said not bad
Working experience: Last time got sell pirated CD(Song only)
Father's name: Daddy
Father's IC: You ask him
Mother's name: Mummy
Mother's IC: You ask her
Current Salary: Depends on my daddy mood
Expected Salary:As much as you can pay
When can start work: Depends on my mood
Highest qualification: Ya, very high
Grade: Ya, very high
College/University: College
Signature: Can I use chop?
Last edited by mIzIe on Sat Jan 10, 2009 1:59 am; edited 1 time in total
mIzIe-
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I Believe in miracle
by mIzIe Sat Jan 10, 2009 1:37 am
hahahha!!...listen carefully to the lyric!
observe the mouse!
mIzIe-
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Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
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mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
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Registration date : 2009-01-06
Kevin- Admin
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Re: Jokes you have heard or know.
by dwennyzayne Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:09 am
niceeeeeeeee MMV (Match Making Video) ! hahaha. this is the first nicest MMV i've seen so far 
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dwennyzayne-
Number of posts : 87
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Re: Jokes you have heard or know.
by mIzIe Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:15 pm
lol how to enjoy the flight all thing need pay wahhaha....
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Re: Jokes you have heard or know.
by dwennyzayne Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:52 pm
haha. i think airasia will be like that one day =X
dwennyzayne-
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JoKeS ahaha...
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 12:17 am
Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?'
Only one hand shot up
'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.
''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.
Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?'
'They are all below 'C' (sea) level'
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?'
Only one hand shot up
'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.
''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.
Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?'
'They are all below 'C' (sea) level'
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
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ShoRt JoKE...
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 12:25 am
Lady: Is this my traim?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi ..
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, 'Order, order.'
The drunkard immediately responded, 'Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda.'
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again? Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
How long has what been going on?' said the man.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices? - V* D( o8 U& Z( k% G
Wife : Yes and no
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi ..
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, 'Order, order.'
The drunkard immediately responded, 'Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda.'
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again? Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
How long has what been going on?' said the man.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices? - V* D( o8 U& Z( k% G
Wife : Yes and no
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
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SaDaR.....
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 12:37 am
Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening."
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it..
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening."
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it..
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
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MUTHU JOKE....
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 1:03 am
MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER
Interviewer : What is your birth date?
Muthu : 13th October
Interviewer : Which year?
Muthu : ... EVERY YEAR
MUTHU & HIS MANAGER
Manager asked to Muthu at an interview....
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Muthu replied: P-O-S-T-B-O- X
MUTHU & LONDON TRIP
After returning back from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife : No! Why?
Muthu : In London, a lady asked me, "Are you a foreigner?".. that's why ...
Wife : SHOCKED!
MUTHU & TOURIST
One tourist fromU.S.A.asked to Muthu whether any great man born in this village or not.. and Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here .. "
MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT
Muthu was doing experiment with cockroach. First he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked..
Thenhe cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cutthe third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg andordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
become a saint!
MUTHU & DRIVER
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted mirror. Muthu shouted,"You are trying to see my wife ?
Sit back. I will drive.
MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL
Muthuwent in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There hestarted washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was hedoing. Muthu pointed towards the board "WASHBASIN
MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART
Interviewer : Just imagine your in 20th floor in a building, it caught fire and how will you escape ?
Muthu : It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination ..
Interviewer : What is your birth date?
Muthu : 13th October
Interviewer : Which year?
Muthu : ... EVERY YEAR
MUTHU & HIS MANAGER
Manager asked to Muthu at an interview....
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Muthu replied: P-O-S-T-B-O- X
MUTHU & LONDON TRIP
After returning back from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife : No! Why?
Muthu : In London, a lady asked me, "Are you a foreigner?".. that's why ...
Wife : SHOCKED!
MUTHU & TOURIST
One tourist fromU.S.A.asked to Muthu whether any great man born in this village or not.. and Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here .. "
MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT
Muthu was doing experiment with cockroach. First he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked..
Thenhe cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cutthe third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg andordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
become a saint!
MUTHU & DRIVER
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted mirror. Muthu shouted,"You are trying to see my wife ?
Sit back. I will drive.
MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL
Muthuwent in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There hestarted washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was hedoing. Muthu pointed towards the board "WASHBASIN
MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART
Interviewer : Just imagine your in 20th floor in a building, it caught fire and how will you escape ?
Muthu : It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination ..
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
We ObaY teAcHer
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 4:43 pm
Student:Good morning,Teacher.
Teacher:Why Juz Good morning?evening and night u wish me no good?
Student:Good morning,evening and night,Teacher.
Teacher:That's too long!No people do it be4.Juz say Good day teacher.Easy and meaningful.Futhermore,this word can be use anytime anywhere
Student:Good day teacher.
Teacher:Good,sit.Hear properly.Today,teacher wan to test you all the opposite meaning.When teacher say the word,u all must answer it quickly fight the opposite meaning,understand?
Student:Understand Teacher!
Teacher:i don't wan any disturb and after this i will test u all u using simpulan bahasa
Student: (quiet)
w
Teacher:Clever
Student:Stupid,
Teacher:High
Student: low
Teacher:Far
Student:Near
Teacher:Justice(Keadilan)
Student:UMNO
Teacher:Wrong
Student:Correct
Teacher:Stupid
Student:Clever
Teacher:No!
'Student:Yes!
Teacher:Hear this
Student:Hear that
Teacher:Shut up!.
Student:keep loud
Teacher:That is not a question,Stupid!
Student:This is a answer,clever!
Teacher:I'm Death
Student:I'm alive
Teacher:Beat u then u know!
Student:Beat me then i dunnowww.
Teacher: lazy i teach u
Student:Hardworking u teach we
Teacher:You Stupid!
Student:We Clever!
Teacher:Enough enough
Student:Not yet not yet!
Teacher:no maness
Student:Got manessOn9G
Teacher:Enough! Stupid!
Student:Not yet! Clever!
Teacher:Wake up!!
Student:Sit down
Teacher:i say UMNO wrong!
Student:We heard JUSTICE correct!
Teacher:stupid u are!!
Student:Clever we are!
Teacher:Oh my god
Student:Eh Your hell
Teacher:u must stay back this evening
Student:We must not stay come that night
Teacher:U all insane(crazy)
Student:We one (eh insane opposite is what?
Teacher:Shut up la!
Student:Open down lo!
Teacher:Keep quiet,stupid,stupid,stupid!
Student:Take loud,clever,clever,clever!
Teacher:enough,after this i will test u simpulan bahasa
Student:Not yet,before that we wont test we peribahasa!
Teacherazy-er!!
Student:Hardgnikrowdrah
Teacher:Wrong!
Student:Correct!
The mad teacher quickly run from that class!The student feel happy and fun coz can answer all the teacher question
Teacher:Why Juz Good morning?evening and night u wish me no good?
Student:Good morning,evening and night,Teacher.
Teacher:That's too long!No people do it be4.Juz say Good day teacher.Easy and meaningful.Futhermore,this word can be use anytime anywhere
Student:Good day teacher.
Teacher:Good,sit.Hear properly.Today,teacher wan to test you all the opposite meaning.When teacher say the word,u all must answer it quickly fight the opposite meaning,understand?
Student:Understand Teacher!
Teacher:i don't wan any disturb and after this i will test u all u using simpulan bahasa
Student: (quiet)
w
Teacher:Clever
Student:Stupid,
Teacher:High
Student: low
Teacher:Far
Student:Near
Teacher:Justice(Keadilan)
Student:UMNO
Teacher:Wrong
Student:Correct
Teacher:Stupid
Student:Clever
Teacher:No!
'Student:Yes!
Teacher:Hear this
Student:Hear that
Teacher:Shut up!.
Student:keep loud
Teacher:That is not a question,Stupid!
Student:This is a answer,clever!
Teacher:I'm Death
Student:I'm alive
Teacher:Beat u then u know!
Student:Beat me then i dunnowww.
Teacher: lazy i teach u
Student:Hardworking u teach we
Teacher:You Stupid!
Student:We Clever!
Teacher:Enough enough
Student:Not yet not yet!
Teacher:no maness
Student:Got manessOn9G
Teacher:Enough! Stupid!
Student:Not yet! Clever!
Teacher:Wake up!!
Student:Sit down
Teacher:i say UMNO wrong!
Student:We heard JUSTICE correct!
Teacher:stupid u are!!
Student:Clever we are!
Teacher:Oh my god
Student:Eh Your hell
Teacher:u must stay back this evening
Student:We must not stay come that night
Teacher:U all insane(crazy)
Student:We one (eh insane opposite is what?
Teacher:Shut up la!
Student:Open down lo!
Teacher:Keep quiet,stupid,stupid,stupid!
Student:Take loud,clever,clever,clever!
Teacher:enough,after this i will test u simpulan bahasa
Student:Not yet,before that we wont test we peribahasa!
Teacherazy-er!!
Student:Hardgnikrowdrah
Teacher:Wrong!
Student:Correct!
The mad teacher quickly run from that class!The student feel happy and fun coz can answer all the teacher question
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
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Funny Wedding-Just Kidding ^^
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:19 pm
"Before marriage (see below)
M: great! I look forward to the day has finally come
F: can i regret for it?
M: No. you even dont have chance to think about it
F: Do you love me? ?
M: Of course!
F: will you betray me?
M: No, why do you think that way?
F: can you give me a kiss ? ?
M: Of course not only for one time!
F: would you fight against me?
M: never ever!
F: Can I believe you? ?
"After the marriage (please see from below till above)"
M: great! I look forward to the day has finally come
F: can i regret for it?
M: No. you even dont have chance to think about it
F: Do you love me? ?
M: Of course!
F: will you betray me?
M: No, why do you think that way?
F: can you give me a kiss ? ?
M: Of course not only for one time!
F: would you fight against me?
M: never ever!
F: Can I believe you? ?
"After the marriage (please see from below till above)"
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
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Registration date : 2009-01-06
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
Re: Jokes you have heard or know.
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:37 pm
1 day.........
SushiMei go shopping...)
Suddently,she saw BuzzDao starring a coconut tree...
BuzzDao :"hihi leng lui mui mui,can u help me?
(SushiMei:"huh huh,okok
BuzzDao:"Uncle want eat coconut,but uncle old ad,can u climb the tree n throw the coconut for me?"
After SushiMei throw the coconut for uncle BuzzDao.Uncle BuzzDao look at SushiMei n say........................
BuzzDao:"ngek ngek ngek.
SushiMei:"huh???
BuzzDao:"ngek ngek ngek ngek!!!
Then SushiMei ran go home n tell yaon3(Mother of SushiMei)about the uncle BuzzDao.........
yaon3:"aiyoyo...stupid girl,the hamsap uncle want look ur underwear only la!"
SushiMei:"yeah yeah mummy,lucky today i no wear underwear."
After that yaon3 faint.....
(JUST A JOKE)
SushiMei go shopping...)
Suddently,she saw BuzzDao starring a coconut tree...
BuzzDao :"hihi leng lui mui mui,can u help me?
(SushiMei:"huh huh,okok
BuzzDao:"Uncle want eat coconut,but uncle old ad,can u climb the tree n throw the coconut for me?"
After SushiMei throw the coconut for uncle BuzzDao.Uncle BuzzDao look at SushiMei n say........................
BuzzDao:"ngek ngek ngek.
SushiMei:"huh???
BuzzDao:"ngek ngek ngek ngek!!!
Then SushiMei ran go home n tell yaon3(Mother of SushiMei)about the uncle BuzzDao.........
yaon3:"aiyoyo...stupid girl,the hamsap uncle want look ur underwear only la!"
SushiMei:"yeah yeah mummy,lucky today i no wear underwear."
After that yaon3 faint.....
(JUST A JOKE)
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
Short Joke ^^
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:38 pm
Sure laughing
Nana and Ryuji are hunting when Ryuji keels over. Frantic, Nana dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?" .
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Nana comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?" . ________________________________________________________
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food.
The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!
The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
Nana and Ryuji are hunting when Ryuji keels over. Frantic, Nana dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?" .
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Nana comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?" . ________________________________________________________
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food.
The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!
The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
Real 911 call
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:48 pm
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dispatcher: 911
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dispatcher: 911
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
Re: Jokes you have heard or know.
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:53 pm
Part 1
1 day dono and mafan go beach play suddenly ,mafan disapear ... so dono go report to the police and he say
Duno:Excuse Me,Can you help me?
Policeman:What can i do for you?!
Duno:i wan find my friend .....his lost
Policeman:and what is ur name ?
Duno:I duno.
Policeman:What You duno = =
Duno:I "Duno" la = ="
Policeman: zzzz nvm.....,what is ur friends name...?"
Duno:his name is mafan ~__~....
Policeman:WHAT !?! you cari mafan is it?
Duno:Yes
*Duno =Don't Know
"the end Duno kenak tangkap cuz policeman told he wan cari (mafan=problem)
Part 2
1 day......there's a car accident.jonny saw the car accident then go report to the police....*jonny have poor english .Mrpolic,Mrpolic there is a car accident ....1 car go front 1 car go back 2 car go bim bam boom ....
1 day dono and mafan go beach play suddenly ,mafan disapear ... so dono go report to the police and he say
Duno:Excuse Me,Can you help me?
Policeman:What can i do for you?!
Duno:i wan find my friend .....his lost
Policeman:and what is ur name ?
Duno:I duno.
Policeman:What You duno = =
Duno:I "Duno" la = ="
Policeman: zzzz nvm.....,what is ur friends name...?"
Duno:his name is mafan ~__~....
Policeman:WHAT !?! you cari mafan is it?
Duno:Yes
*Duno =Don't Know
"the end Duno kenak tangkap cuz policeman told he wan cari (mafan=problem)
Part 2
1 day......there's a car accident.jonny saw the car accident then go report to the police....*jonny have poor english .Mrpolic,Mrpolic there is a car accident ....1 car go front 1 car go back 2 car go bim bam boom ....
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
Dun Cheat your Mom haha....
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 8:01 pm
You come back already?
One day, Ah Seng return home after a very tiring day. He goes to the living room and sat down next to his mother. Then, they both chat.
Mother: Ah Seng, you come back already? Have you ate?
Ah Seng: Mom, I eat already.
Mother: Oh, I see... (5 Seconds later), eh? Ah Seng, did you had your dinner already?
Ah Seng: Mom, i told you already... I eat already.
Mother: Oh, I'm a forgetful person... (3 seconds later) Eh? Ah Seng, You come back already? Have you eat?
Ah Seng: Mom, how many times i want to say? I eat already! I eat already! I eat already! Until I can't stuff anymore food into my stomach already
Mother: OMG. I wish i was not a forgetful person. (1 Seonds later)Eh? Ah Seng, you eat already ma?.
Ah Seng: Ok mom. I didn't had my dinner.
Mother: OMG! SO big already sill want to cheat your own mother
One day, Ah Seng return home after a very tiring day. He goes to the living room and sat down next to his mother. Then, they both chat.
Mother: Ah Seng, you come back already? Have you ate?
Ah Seng: Mom, I eat already.
Mother: Oh, I see... (5 Seconds later), eh? Ah Seng, did you had your dinner already?
Ah Seng: Mom, i told you already... I eat already.
Mother: Oh, I'm a forgetful person... (3 seconds later) Eh? Ah Seng, You come back already? Have you eat?
Ah Seng: Mom, how many times i want to say? I eat already! I eat already! I eat already! Until I can't stuff anymore food into my stomach already
Mother: OMG. I wish i was not a forgetful person. (1 Seonds later)Eh? Ah Seng, you eat already ma?.
Ah Seng: Ok mom. I didn't had my dinner.
Mother: OMG! SO big already sill want to cheat your own mother
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
Re: Jokes you have heard or know.
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 8:20 pm
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remary
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.
Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??"
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
"Oh GOD! U have come again.
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng: "I was watching TV news..."
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.
Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would |
be hot.
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
;Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is "u will go to jail"
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng: "So what? Take an umbrella and go.
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and no
in the morning. Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM- x)
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remary
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.
Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??"
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
"Oh GOD! U have come again.
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng: "I was watching TV news..."
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.
Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would |
be hot.
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
;Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is "u will go to jail"
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng: "So what? Take an umbrella and go.
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and no
in the morning. Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM- x)
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
RamBut ^^
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 8:29 pm
JENIS² RAMBUT...
1) RAMBUT LURUS
bijak, seorang yang happy, bergaya, cemburu,dan pandai dalam menguruskan sesuatu tanpa pertolongan
RAMBUT KERINTING TEBAL
kurang bijak, degil, cemburu kuat, romantic,banyak pergaulan dan susah dalam menyelesaikan masalah diri, tidak suka termenung
3) RAMBUT KERINTING NEGRO
bijak, ego, cemburu buta, romantic, memilih dan mudah mengamuk bila susah hendak selesaikan masalah
4) RAMBUT IKAL MAYANG
bijak, berfikir sebelum melakukan sesuatu,berfikiran terbuka, banyak pergaulan, dan mudah memaaf kan seseorang dengan kesilapan lalu.
5) RAMBUT HALUS/LEMBUT
bijak sangat, memilih, pemaaf, manja, tegas dan cepat melakukan perkerjaan dengan bersungguh-sungguh.
6) RAMBUT SIKIT
bijak, sentiasa berfikiran negatif pada seseorang, ego dan pandai membuka perniagaan walaupun kecil.
7) RAMBUT PERANG
kurang bijak, berfikiran terbuka, pemaaf, sosial dan bijak lari daripada masalah.
RAMBUT TEBAL
bijak, degil, cemburu, romantic, kasar, banyak kawan dan pandai mengambil hati seseorang.
9) RAMBUT KUSUT
sangat bijak, berfikiran terbuka, banyak pergaulan, garang, susah nak memaafkan seseorang, dan pandai dalam mengurusan sesuatu tanpa pertolongan.
10) RAMBUT BERUBAN
bkurang bijak, suka termenung, sosial sikit,berfikiran terbuka dan pandai selesaikan masalah diri
11)TIADA RAMBUT
xtau nak ckp apa......kesianwww
12) RAMBUT WARNA KEMERAH-MERAHAN ATAU KEHIJAU HIJAUAN
itu rambutann... Hahaha....
1) RAMBUT LURUS
bijak, seorang yang happy, bergaya, cemburu,dan pandai dalam menguruskan sesuatu tanpa pertolongan
RAMBUT KERINTING TEBAL
kurang bijak, degil, cemburu kuat, romantic,banyak pergaulan dan susah dalam menyelesaikan masalah diri, tidak suka termenung
3) RAMBUT KERINTING NEGRO
bijak, ego, cemburu buta, romantic, memilih dan mudah mengamuk bila susah hendak selesaikan masalah
4) RAMBUT IKAL MAYANG
bijak, berfikir sebelum melakukan sesuatu,berfikiran terbuka, banyak pergaulan, dan mudah memaaf kan seseorang dengan kesilapan lalu.
5) RAMBUT HALUS/LEMBUT
bijak sangat, memilih, pemaaf, manja, tegas dan cepat melakukan perkerjaan dengan bersungguh-sungguh.
6) RAMBUT SIKIT
bijak, sentiasa berfikiran negatif pada seseorang, ego dan pandai membuka perniagaan walaupun kecil.
7) RAMBUT PERANG
kurang bijak, berfikiran terbuka, pemaaf, sosial dan bijak lari daripada masalah.
RAMBUT TEBALbijak, degil, cemburu, romantic, kasar, banyak kawan dan pandai mengambil hati seseorang.
9) RAMBUT KUSUT
sangat bijak, berfikiran terbuka, banyak pergaulan, garang, susah nak memaafkan seseorang, dan pandai dalam mengurusan sesuatu tanpa pertolongan.
10) RAMBUT BERUBAN
bkurang bijak, suka termenung, sosial sikit,berfikiran terbuka dan pandai selesaikan masalah diri
11)TIADA RAMBUT
xtau nak ckp apa......kesianwww
12) RAMBUT WARNA KEMERAH-MERAHAN ATAU KEHIJAU HIJAUAN
itu rambutann... Hahaha....
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
Good Boy
by mIzIe Sun Jan 11, 2009 8:38 pm
Miss Ann seorang cikgu perempuan yang mengajar Bahasa Inggeris untuk tahun
. Dia bagi assignment kat murid-murid suruh cari 3 ayat Inggeris dan kemukakan pada hari Isnin nanti.
Ketika dalam perjalan pulang, Amin salah seorang anak murid cikgu itu
ternampak sepasang suami isteri keluar dari kereta dan sedang menjerit pada satu sama lain. Dia terdengar lelaki tu menjerit "Shut up you !!". Apabila sampai di rumah dia bertanya kepada bapanya, "shut up you" tu Bahasa Inggeris
ke? Bapa dia jawab, iye. Dapat dah satu perkataan, kata Amin di dalam hati.^
Lepas mandi dan makan, dia tengok tv cerita Superman. Masa superman
nak terbang dia kata "Superman !!!" dia tanya bapa dia lagi, Superman tu7
Bahasa Inggeris dan bapa dia kata yes. Dua perkataan dah, kata budak itu.
Lepas tengok tv, dia ke perpustakaan, dia ternampak ada seorang lelaki
dan seorang perempuan sedang bertengkar berebut buku. Perempuan itu kata
"Ladies first" balik rumah dia tanya lagi dan bapa dia kata itu pun Bahasa
Inggeris. Ah, lega nya kata budak itu.
Hari Isnin dia ke sekolah, cikgu tanya dia tentang perkataan baru.`
Cikgu: OK boy, did you get the words?!
Budak: Yes, teacher.
Cikgu: Good, what is your first word?
Budak: Shut up you !!!;
Cikgu: What did you say? Are you mad? Who do you think you are?
Budak: Superman !!!
Cikgu: Bloody fool! Get out from this class
Budak: Ladies first"
(JUST A JOKE)
. Dia bagi assignment kat murid-murid suruh cari 3 ayat Inggeris dan kemukakan pada hari Isnin nanti.
Ketika dalam perjalan pulang, Amin salah seorang anak murid cikgu itu
ternampak sepasang suami isteri keluar dari kereta dan sedang menjerit pada satu sama lain. Dia terdengar lelaki tu menjerit "Shut up you !!". Apabila sampai di rumah dia bertanya kepada bapanya, "shut up you" tu Bahasa Inggeris
ke? Bapa dia jawab, iye. Dapat dah satu perkataan, kata Amin di dalam hati.^
Lepas mandi dan makan, dia tengok tv cerita Superman. Masa superman
nak terbang dia kata "Superman !!!" dia tanya bapa dia lagi, Superman tu7
Bahasa Inggeris dan bapa dia kata yes. Dua perkataan dah, kata budak itu.
Lepas tengok tv, dia ke perpustakaan, dia ternampak ada seorang lelaki
dan seorang perempuan sedang bertengkar berebut buku. Perempuan itu kata
"Ladies first" balik rumah dia tanya lagi dan bapa dia kata itu pun Bahasa
Inggeris. Ah, lega nya kata budak itu.
Hari Isnin dia ke sekolah, cikgu tanya dia tentang perkataan baru.`
Cikgu: OK boy, did you get the words?!
Budak: Yes, teacher.
Cikgu: Good, what is your first word?
Budak: Shut up you !!!;
Cikgu: What did you say? Are you mad? Who do you think you are?
Budak: Superman !!!
Cikgu: Bloody fool! Get out from this class
Budak: Ladies first"
(JUST A JOKE)
mIzIe-
Number of posts : 415
Age : 32
Location : (>^.^)>kUCHiNG!!
Points :
Warning Level :
Registration date : 2009-01-06
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